Starsky's Smiles
by bluespiritgal
Summary: Just a litte short about Starsky's smiles. Inspired from D'Angelo's Song's beautifully written color series. Companion piece to "Hutch's Hands"


Inspired by D'Angelo's Song's warm, savory and so beautifully written color series, I started thinking about Starsky and his smiles. Though the language isn't as beautiful and liquidly warm as D'Angelo's Song's pieces, (which are absolutely brilliant), I still enjoyed taking a little break from "Cabrillo on the Flip Side," to jot this short down.

(sorry for the reposts - had to fix some typos :( I'm a lousy proofreader, lol)

**Starsky's Smiles**

There's so much I can gauge in my partner by just his smile. Where eyes are windows to the soul, in my partner, his smile is a window into his heart.

The first time I experienced the full, warm smile, was the day I stumbled into the dorm room at the Police Academy and met my new room mate.

Nervous as all get out, with two left feet, a warm hand is extended out to me and I see the wide smile spreading on his face. The smile is friendly, energetic and excited and reaches all the way up to the indigo blue eyes, sparkling.

I found myself just staring at it. It seems so odd to me someone could smile like that, to me, a perfect stranger.

It made me feel…accepted.

The next time I remember the smile, it was still wide, still warm, but with a slightly humorous tilt to it as Starsky offers me his hand, helps me up out of the muddy pool I slipped in during the obstacle course training exercise. He seems unconcerned about the other cadets passing us by. We come in last that day and are given latrine duty. I'm embarrassed and feel guilty as hell that Starsky is brushing toilets next to me, all because he stopped and helped me up.

He doesn't seem particularly perturbed though. I ask him why. He smiles back "Never like leavin' a man behind."

Starsky chats as we clean, everything from baseball stats to Godzilla movies, to where to find the best burrito places in town. Somehow the chore doesn't seem as bad and passes a lot quicker than I thought it would. When we're done, I'm bone tired, but can't seem to remember since I've been at the Academy, when I've had a better evening. I'd tell him, but I'm too embarrassed. He looks over at me and smiles, like he just read my thoughts.

This smile is the foundation of a beginning friendship that with each day has only grown deeper.

The next smile is beaming, right up to his eyes, and matching the ball of energy that is bouncing and "whopping" around me. In his hand Starsky clutches the test paper. It's wrinkled but he proudly displays it to me. "I did it! I did it! I passed, Hutch!"

"I knew you could," I tell him.

"Not without your help! I gotta call Ma!" He races out, but a second later his head whips back around the corner. "Thanks, buddy. Thanks!"

He disappears again.

This smile is the excited boy within the man. A pure bundle of bounding energy and motion, it is full of life. It's the smile that has the power to draw me out of my worst moods, makes me laugh despite myself.

The next one occurs as I'm leaning over him. This one is far different. Starsky is laying on the gurney, his eyes tired and filled with so much pain.

My mind can't remove the image of Bellomy on the roof dead, my partner shakily gripping the gun, the echoed weak response…_Seemed ta be a good idea at the time_…before his knees go out from under him and he starts to slide down the wall. I catch him, ease him down. His head rolls forward.

The deep blue eyes are locked with mine. I see their deep sorrow, and their fear. At that moment neither of us can speak any words aloud…the tightness around my chest is so great it threatens to suffocate me.

The smile barely lifts one corner of his mouth but speaks volumes. It is filled with sad resignation. It's the smile of goodbye and reminds me just how much Starsky is willing to sacrifice for me, how much our friendship truly means to him, how much saying goodbye...leaving me behind hurts.

It's the smile I never want to see again.

But it's the smile that occurs a few years later that I remember most. For days I've watched Starsky laying so still, unmoving, expressionless. His chest and torso are covered in thick padded bandages hiding the holes ripped through his body after Gunther's attack, and the surgical incisions that have tried to patch him back up. Not a twitch of movement have I seen in days and the doctors still don't see much hope he'll ever wake again. To see him laying so still, a mere shell of the man I know, is so hard to comprehend, so hard to accept and for the first time in my life since I've known Starsky, I can't touch him. I'm scared, really scared. And now, I'm pushing the odds. I don't know what to do anymore.

Then I look up and see his eyes open. Just little slits, but they're open. I'm stunned. "Starsk? Starsky?" The eyes blink, still dazed, but they're open. "He's awake! He's awake!" I grab the nurse, spin her about. And when I look back, I see it again, that smile. It's not big, it's not bouncing or energetic, but it lifts nonetheless, it's edges just a little amused as he sees me flinging the nurse around like a rag doll then gapping at him. Despite the fact he's pumped up on morphine and probably still in a hell of a lot of pain, the smile still manages to reach all the way up to his eyes.

It's the smile I carry with me now in my heart. It's the smile of second chances and new beginnings.

Today I can't help my own smile. It's wide and full of energy as I make my way up to collect my partner. Today he's being discharged…today he's finally going home…


End file.
